I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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