Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
