she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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