remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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