actually, I'm a sock model
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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