): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
