Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
