I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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