They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
