You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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