i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
