WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize