she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
