whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
