New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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