I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
