good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
