awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm like, not good at living.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
