im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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