i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
