I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
