Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
