i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
