I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
