shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
