I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
