I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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