So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
