I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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