wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
