i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
