Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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