i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
