in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
