Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
