i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
