Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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