So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
