So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i will never coherently bang her
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
