but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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