are you still at the devil's house?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
