I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
