I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
