I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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