You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
