He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
