so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
