I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
