I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
