so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
