I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
