Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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