This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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