Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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