His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize