There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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