My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
