I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
