We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
