This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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