I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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